10/13
Long, tired Tuesday.
The bitter cold of Winter.
Boo Minnesota.
10/14
Take a staggered breath.
Trying to push past the dark.
Stop my sorry heart.
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I cherish my friends.
I’ll laugh and cry when you do.
Whenever you call.
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Things are so different.
I don’t know you anymore.
It pains me to watch.
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The Halfrican
So a lot’s happened these past few weeks.
A lot of which has made me stop and think.
Which isn’t something I do too often.
I’m usually more of a ‘how can I make this person, who is much in need of it, laugh?’ type of person.
But my life is taking a much needed turn towards the more thought-provoking things in life.
What brought this sudden change on, you ask? Something as trivial to some as breaking up with a boyfriend. To me, it was anything but. Boyfriends come and go though, right? Not for me. I’ve never had the mindset of ‘casual dating’, and I’ve always wanted my first boyfriend to be the one I would marry. Yes, this 28yr old said ‘first’. My point exactly. So as you can imagine, it didn’t end up that way. My boyfriend of over a year, dropped the bomb on me that he had decided to change beliefs to the polar opposite of mine, saying he was never really comfortable in believing the way I, or all of his friends, my friends, our friends, believed. I was stunned. I felt like I had had the wind knocked out of me and all our talks/plans/dreams for our future together had all of a sudden disappeared. To some, this may not seem like a big deal, but to me, it is. So long story short, I broke it off with him, and thank God we are still friends, will always be there for each other, and never want that to change.
Though this was the main reasoning behind this post, let me just fill you in on what else happened that week:
Monday: Contracted what I would later believe to be the very virus that would turn me into the beginning force of the zombie apocalypse.
Wednesday: Broke it off w/the bf. Went home at noon – couldn’t handle being barely coherent AND crying all day.
Saturday: Parents come over to help me around the house and take care of me 
It has been a very steady decline since monday with major dizziness, headaches, and congestion. By this point I can’t be awake for more than 4hrs without having to take a nap.
Sunday early am: Go to the ER because my nose has been bleeding for the past 2hrs with no sign of stopping. My zombie apocalypse theory is becoming more and more viable every day….
Sunday later early am: I get home from the hospital, only to find that my beloved and loyal fish of 2yrs has died. At this point, I couldn’t help but laugh from the irony of the past week. RIP Rocko, you are loved.
That was 2 weeks ago. My zombie apocalypse theory has waned (ask me about my blood bonding w/the zombie virus theory though…), and as far as being single again, there’s good days and bad days. I’m just trying to keep myself very, very busy.
Throughout this all, I’ve sadly realized who my real friends are. During the worst week of my life, there were only a handful of people that even asked what was wrong when reading my distraught tweets/facebook updates (ah, the modern age), some of which didn’t even live in my state, which amazed and touched me. This realization that some people just don’t hold true friendship to the standard that I do, really opened my eyes. Maybe they just didn’t consider me the friend that I considered them, but how hard is it to reach out to someone who’s visibly hurting and just say ‘hey’. I know this section may be tinged with a hint of bitterness, but it was not only this once, it was over and over and over when I needed to know someone, anyone, cared.
Which brings me to my second point: I am determined to be a better friend. I’ve always been happy with the fact that I try to be a very considerate person and constantly aware of people’s feelings, but there have definitely been times where I’ve seen that someone is having a hard time and I’ll turn my head. We’ve all done it, and it’s something I’m not proud of. So if there’s something I’ve learned in these past couple weeks, it’s that people’s hearts are fragile. And it only takes one to shut it down.
So enough of the depressing. Out of all of this, I’m rebuilding. I’m finding who I am again and who I want to be.
I have this new found zeal for life that I’ve never had before.
I want to dance, sing, record, learn, travel, meet new people, try new foods, paint, draw, read, explore….anything and everything.
I want to delve outside my comfort zone – It’s scary, but life isn’t worth living if you don’t take some risks.
So thank you to my close friends that are helping me during this ‘time of awakening’ if I may – You are so dear to me. I love you all.
And thanks to my old and new found friends in Portland – your friendship means more to me in our few years together or our few weeks, than you will ever know. I’ll be seeing you soon.
-Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.- Ferris Bueller
‘The Halfrican’
I’m having a superb day. And this is why:
-Got to have a very sweet text convo this morning w/the boy, which reminds me why I like him
-Spent last night hanging w/my bff Dena watching the olympics, Fool’s Gold (eh), eating carrot cake, and doing fun girly things that will go unmentioned so as to not freak out our significant others. But it involves looking at pretty things and dresses….
-Playing 2 shows tonight, one with my band Vienna and another with Vienna filling in for hiphop artist Faith. Very excited to show off my white side AND my black side. Doesn’t happen very often….I grew up in the suburbs….
-Was reminded of one of my favorite TV shows of all time- Mystery Science Theatre 3000! Filmed in Hopkins, MN about 15 min from where I grew up, it was a staple on Comedy Central for a long time. A man and 3 robots in space watching/mocking ‘D’ movies. I mean come on, it doesn’t get better than that. If you get a chance, check out Eegah. It’s my favorite. Plus it’s got Jaws from Moonraker in it. Skip past the credits, they’re dumb.
-Despite being back on my ‘diet’, I didn’t have time to pack food today for work, so against my better judgement (not really) I went to Taco Bell. Yum.
-Bought a vegan Coconut Macaroon cookie at my fav local indie coffee shop this morning. Definitely one of the best cookies I’ve ever had in my life and it just happens to be the cookie of the season. Ever. Period. Double yum.
-The new Cohen Brothers movie is being filmed across the parking lot from my work! It’s called A Serious Man and due out in 2009. There’s a guy outside the warehouse cutting something with some sort of mechanical saw….
-And last but not least – I get to see my boo this weekend! We don’t get to spend much time together now that he’s started his new job (9pm-7am 4 days a week) and he’s got band practice like everyday pretty much, so we grab time when we can
Angela
‘The Halfrican’
This blog is dedicated to Shawn and Iver
The best bandmates a girl could ever ask for
Deep Thoughts
By Jack Handey
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: “Mankind”. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words – “mank” and “ind”. What do these words mean ? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Consider the daffodil. And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you’ll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that’s my point.
Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
Angela ‘The Halfrican’
It’s Wednesday.
And Wednesday night is the night that we make love.
Tuesday night is the night you go and visit your mother, but Wednesday night is the night that we make love.
Cuz everything’s just right, conditions are perfect. There’s nothing good on TV………….conditions are perfect.
This video never ceases to make me smile.
If I’m having a rough day, who do I turn to? My friends? No. My family? Sometimes. My Stylist? Only if I’m feeling particularly nappy. Nay, I turn to the quirky musical stylings and comedic fanfare of New Zealand’s own Flight of The Conchords.
For those of you that are unfamiliar with New Zealand, here are some fun facts about FOTC’s homeland:
Yep. That’s pretty much it.
Oh, and they invented the Zorb
And their national bird is pretty cute 
But other than that….
So here’s to you Bret and Jermaine, thank you for brightening many a dull day and teaching me the following life lessons:
And finally
Angela ‘The Halfrican’
SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY – 4TH OF JULY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
Overall, a very fun week. It definitely had it’s ups and downs, but that’s life, right!
Angela ‘The Halfrican’
I’ve always been proud of the fact that I have the ability to tell people things that would normally piss them off/make them cry/punch babies, but for some reason when I’m done, they don’t. I guess you can say I have a way with words.
But sometimes, there’s not enough words or eloquent phrases in the world you can say that can possibly avoid hurting someone you care about.
Part of me wants to pour my heart out and explain everything that went down (that’s what a blog is for, right?), but the other part doesn’t see the point.
I will say this.
The person I hurt did not deserve it. All they wanted was my heart.
The person I am couldn’t give it. My heart’s still numb from being broken.
And the person who broke it…well, that’s another story. One that luckily had a happy ending.
I told a friend the other day that 2 words is all it really takes sometimes.
Sometimes you can say more in these 2 little words than in all the cleverly spun poetic phrases, heart felt ballads, or tear stained letters you could ever write.
2 words.
I’m sorry,
Angela
‘The Halfrican’
So.
Here it is.
My first blog.
And here’s the guy responsible for it:
So if at all throughout the course of this venture you are offended, appalled, disgusted or emotionally traumatized, first off, know that it was not my intention.
And that it’s his fault.
Now, with all that said and done…..
I’ve done a lot of thinking on what my first blogging effort should be on, and after nay-saying your typical music/movies/tv/myspace/facebook/do you like me circle yes or no drama, I sat in my living room staring at a blank blog page.
Just sat there.
And that’s when I realized that that’s all my life consisted of.
And that’s when I decided to change that.
So that’s what this blog is going to be about – change.
Now it was more than me just stepping back and taking a good hard look at what I spend my time & energy on from day to day so I could put it in a blog. It’s been a process getting to this point. A process of good friends and family, God, and a little luck. But as of late, it did stem from one source in particular. That guy up there in the picture. Now before you go and think – oh god, looks like Angela’s got a little crush….just wait. I’ve known Amos for a good 3 years or so, and when we first met, besides being ridiculously intimidated by him, I knew he was someone I wanted to be friends with. As the years went by and we became better friends, I learned of his love for philosophy, good books, photography, design, art, real music, and a good pipe. I remember one time when a friend and I stopped to visit him in Nebraska on our way to Texas (yeah, not really on the way considering I live in Minnesota). Amos and I were driving to the store to buy groceries so I could showcase my amazing culinary skillz, and we started talking – what about? Can’t say that I remember. But I do remember thinking- ‘oh god, I have no clue what he’s talking about. How am I going to hold a conversation with someone who reads Kierkegaard and Nietzsche?!’. Now, I don’t want you to think that i’m some ditzy girl who’s read more issues of Vogue and Cosmo than she has books – I love reading books (without pictures). I love doing smart people things. And I got a 32 on my ACT’s, so there. It’s just that I’ve gotten so wrapped up in my own world, that I’ve neglected to really see what’s going on outside of it. Granted I’m not one to argue politics or the state of the economy, but now I’m realizing that I’d at least like to know about it. While most of my adult life thus far has consisted of creating musical gems, making the Minneapolis music scene pimptacular one band at a time, and striving to be the coolest halfrican in the Tri-State area, it’s time to incorporate something more.
So there you have it.
My first blog.
They won’t all be so pensive and soul-searching, but I thought this would be a good way to start things out.
A special thanks goes out to Amos Lanka and his blog, without which I’d still be focused on who I am, instead of who I’d like to be.
And also to Counting Crows for making the musical masterpiece that is August and Everything After.
Still intimidated by Amos,
Angela
‘The Halfrican’
