So a lot’s happened these past few weeks.
A lot of which has made me stop and think.
Which isn’t something I do too often.
I’m usually more of a ‘how can I make this person, who is much in need of it, laugh?’ type of person.
But my life is taking a much needed turn towards the more thought-provoking things in life.
What brought this sudden change on, you ask? Something as trivial to some as breaking up with a boyfriend. To me, it was anything but. Boyfriends come and go though, right? Not for me. I’ve never had the mindset of ‘casual dating’, and I’ve always wanted my first boyfriend to be the one I would marry. Yes, this 28yr old said ‘first’. My point exactly. So as you can imagine, it didn’t end up that way. My boyfriend of over a year, dropped the bomb on me that he had decided to change beliefs to the polar opposite of mine, saying he was never really comfortable in believing the way I, or all of his friends, my friends, our friends, believed. I was stunned. I felt like I had had the wind knocked out of me and all our talks/plans/dreams for our future together had all of a sudden disappeared. To some, this may not seem like a big deal, but to me, it is. So long story short, I broke it off with him, and thank God we are still friends, will always be there for each other, and never want that to change.
Though this was the main reasoning behind this post, let me just fill you in on what else happened that week:
Monday: Contracted what I would later believe to be the very virus that would turn me into the beginning force of the zombie apocalypse.
Wednesday: Broke it off w/the bf. Went home at noon – couldn’t handle being barely coherent AND crying all day.
Saturday: Parents come over to help me around the house and take care of me 
It has been a very steady decline since monday with major dizziness, headaches, and congestion. By this point I can’t be awake for more than 4hrs without having to take a nap.
Sunday early am: Go to the ER because my nose has been bleeding for the past 2hrs with no sign of stopping. My zombie apocalypse theory is becoming more and more viable every day….
Sunday later early am: I get home from the hospital, only to find that my beloved and loyal fish of 2yrs has died. At this point, I couldn’t help but laugh from the irony of the past week. RIP Rocko, you are loved.
That was 2 weeks ago. My zombie apocalypse theory has waned (ask me about my blood bonding w/the zombie virus theory though…), and as far as being single again, there’s good days and bad days. I’m just trying to keep myself very, very busy.
Throughout this all, I’ve sadly realized who my real friends are. During the worst week of my life, there were only a handful of people that even asked what was wrong when reading my distraught tweets/facebook updates (ah, the modern age), some of which didn’t even live in my state, which amazed and touched me. This realization that some people just don’t hold true friendship to the standard that I do, really opened my eyes. Maybe they just didn’t consider me the friend that I considered them, but how hard is it to reach out to someone who’s visibly hurting and just say ‘hey’. I know this section may be tinged with a hint of bitterness, but it was not only this once, it was over and over and over when I needed to know someone, anyone, cared.
Which brings me to my second point: I am determined to be a better friend. I’ve always been happy with the fact that I try to be a very considerate person and constantly aware of people’s feelings, but there have definitely been times where I’ve seen that someone is having a hard time and I’ll turn my head. We’ve all done it, and it’s something I’m not proud of. So if there’s something I’ve learned in these past couple weeks, it’s that people’s hearts are fragile. And it only takes one to shut it down.
So enough of the depressing. Out of all of this, I’m rebuilding. I’m finding who I am again and who I want to be.
I have this new found zeal for life that I’ve never had before.
I want to dance, sing, record, learn, travel, meet new people, try new foods, paint, draw, read, explore….anything and everything.
I want to delve outside my comfort zone – It’s scary, but life isn’t worth living if you don’t take some risks.
So thank you to my close friends that are helping me during this ‘time of awakening’ if I may – You are so dear to me. I love you all.
And thanks to my old and new found friends in Portland – your friendship means more to me in our few years together or our few weeks, than you will ever know. I’ll be seeing you soon.
-Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.- Ferris Bueller
‘The Halfrican’
